A return to Shite!
It's dark now...
Fucking hell, I have just emerged from a six month depression, I have been slicing myself up quite badly and have spent many weeks in a mental institution. Home now at last, the curtains are closed and I am listening to lots of Black Metal/Doom Metal/Grindcore and watching gore movies and vile Japanese scat-porn. No bastard looked after my cat, it must have starved to death a few months back, that cat was the only fucking thing I loved in the world and now it lies mouldering in the corner, I cant bring myself to bury it and the stench is all but gone now anyway so I will just leave her where she is. Late at night she still talks to me by the light of my lava lamp, she doesn't blame me for her agonising death.... she blames THEM, as do I, and I will have revenge a thousand fold.
Beneath piles of books CDs Magazines Newspapers and rancid t-shirts I discovered my guitar, I have started to learn how to play it again from scratch, I never was much good but I seem to have forgotten the little I new, the drugs THEY forced me to take have fucked up my bruised brain badly. I know I am some kind of experiment and that they are watching my every move, I dont expect to be taken away for some time though, they need to totally break me first and I feel I am far from that state as yet.
I have re-formed ShiteScone as a one man project, although I must express my gratitude to my dead cat for passing me vibes from beyond and inspiring me to write again.
It's Dark Now...
Fucking hell, I have just emerged from a six month depression, I have been slicing myself up quite badly and have spent many weeks in a mental institution. Home now at last, the curtains are closed and I am listening to lots of Black Metal/Doom Metal/Grindcore and watching gore movies and vile Japanese scat-porn. No bastard looked after my cat, it must have starved to death a few months back, that cat was the only fucking thing I loved in the world and now it lies mouldering in the corner, I cant bring myself to bury it and the stench is all but gone now anyway so I will just leave her where she is. Late at night she still talks to me by the light of my lava lamp, she doesn't blame me for her agonising death.... she blames THEM, as do I, and I will have revenge a thousand fold.
Beneath piles of books CDs Magazines Newspapers and rancid t-shirts I discovered my guitar, I have started to learn how to play it again from scratch, I never was much good but I seem to have forgotten the little I new, the drugs THEY forced me to take have fucked up my bruised brain badly. I know I am some kind of experiment and that they are watching my every move, I dont expect to be taken away for some time though, they need to totally break me first and I feel I am far from that state as yet.
I have re-formed ShiteScone as a one man project, although I must express my gratitude to my dead cat for passing me vibes from beyond and inspiring me to write again.
It's Dark Now...
Labels: death, depression, doom, grindcore, self harm, shite
posted by Clawhammer at 4:34 pm
17 Comments:
I dont do the cutting myself..
I do the eating a shitload of bad food and gaining a million pounds..
I think I'd rather have scars than a fat ass//
it's more socially acceptable
I didn't think anyone new about this blog.
ditto....although nobody in their right or wrong mind would ever fuck mine.....
dead cats can do that to you. I know.
I keep forgetting this blog exists at all... but I'm running out of sleeping pills. Anyone know a reliable online pharmacy where I can get some? I'd just rather be asleep than awake... or maybe valium would do the trick...
benedryl makes you sleepy..
but it can make you jittery..
nothing works on me ..
I'm going to spend my life yearning for sleep
Another sleepless night last night... it's getting me down I tells yah. Think I will have to try out the benedryl...jitters be damned ;>)
you try the benedryl?
Not tried the benedryl yet. Probably cant even get it in the Highlands of Scotland. Going to the city of despair tonight (Inverness) and will try to pick some up.
Thanks for the Benadryl tip Cynnie. I had a great nights sleep last night and feel refreshed this morning. Slight jittery feeling but not too bad. I am full of the joys today and dont feel like killing my fellow human beings today. I want to hug the world!
I am so glad that you were able to have a good sleep. Like you I am not sleeping so well these days.
Do you think you would be able to take your little cats body out and bury it. My heart is breaking for your overwhelming problems and what has happened to you and your kitty. I can't stop crying.
it just me again, I am elfin but i can't remember my password.
Please dont worry Elfin, my cat was buried some time ago but still finds time to speak to me in my dreams. I have had 3 good nights sleep in a row now and it really has made an enormous difference to my state of mind.
No more crying now, just smiles and happiness.
Take care x
I hope that you are feeling better. That sounds lame...I really do, though.
I have had many sleepless nights myself. Now, I have my Seroquil, and if I take 200mg, I am off to lala land for hours upon hours. Can you get that from your doc???
I'm sorry about your cat. I know how an animal can be your best friend and then some. My little doggie is the only reason I get up some days.
Hi Biddie, I'm feeling a lot better now and have been sleeping quite well since Cynnie gave me the tip about Benadryl. The doc wont give me any more sleeping tablets, he says they are not licensed for long term use. I think it's more likely that because I suffer from depression he thinks I will take an overdose. Damn doctors think they know everything!
I am depressed and bi polar. My doc gives me Seroquil b/c it stops your mind from racing and helps you sleep. I would be a goner without it.
I used to cut myself, too. I wore bracelets like mad to hide the scars/cuts. Can't see the scars anymore, but they are still there.
Glad to hear that you are feeling better :)
Hi Biddie, I am still suffering with depression but it is under control and my medication seems to be working. I havent cut myself for a while now but I did buy a cutting kit last night. Just some razor blades and a small first aid kit. It just makes me feel easier to have those things at hand. I probably wont use it for ages though :o)
how goes the sleep situation?
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